


Yellow Diamond Finds Jesus

by Bundthead



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Tag, haha - Freeform, lol, omgogmomgogmogmggmomg, same, this is a tag, this is also a tag, yellow diamond is the best in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-03-07 23:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bundthead/pseuds/Bundthead
Summary: sorry for short chapter lol next one will probably be longer, and im saying this for all future chapters because idk how to draw these htings out ECKS DEE XD





	1. Chapter 1

Yellow Diamond was in her arm ship, heading towards earth, zoom zoom vroom vroom, mind set on destroying those crystal gems. two more minutes until her destination. She stood up from where she was shitt- sit-- no, shitting, and left the bathroom, no more taco bell for her. The ship was landing now and she was ready to get this all over with, "come along pearl, this shouldn't take long" she said, extending her arm towards her Pearl for her to step on. Yellow Pearl hurried onto her diamond's hand, ready to get out of this room, Yellow Diamond didn't fucking flush, like, ever and the stink was seeping into the bedroom.

Yellow Diamond rushed to the main entrance of the ship, opening the door and stepping out. blEgh this planet is so fucking ugly ew gross, she thought to herself. in the distance she saw a small town with a beach behind it. One building caught her attention though, it was weird looking, looked kinda like a triangle tbh, with some weird t on it, whatever the fuck a t is. "That's the grandest looking structure in that pathetic town, grand enough to be a base!" Yellow Dickmond said to herself.

She turned to her Pearl, "Pearl."  
"Yes my diamond?"  
"I want you to search the area, look for the crystal gems and bring them to me" Yellow Diamond said, picking up and setting her Pearl onto the ground.  
"Anything for you, my diamond" Yellow Pearl said, before turning and running off to the town. Yellow D. bit her lip as Pearl ran, getting a good look at dat ass until she was out of sight.

Yellow Diamond herself went to the building that caught her eye before, it was only like 6 steps before she was there lmao. she RIPPED THE FUCKING ROOF OFF AND BITS OF THE CHURCH FLEW EVERYWHERE, the t hitting her in the eye. "agCK". she looked down at the inside, no crystal gems there. But she saw a book, it had the same t on the cover that had just fucked up her eye.

 

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM."

Yellow Diamond picked up the book, inspecting it before putting it in her pocket, "I'll take a closer look at it later." she muttered to herself before getting the absolute shit spooked outta her. Yellow pearl was at her leg, she had tapped on it alerting her diamond.   
"My diamond, i've found the crystal gems" Pearl sAId, showing her diamond the gems in her hands. 

"excellent work Pearl, i'll give you a treat once we arrive back home." "winky face ;)".

And so, they went back to the ship, taking off back into space towards Homeworld.


	2. no u

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for short chapter lol next one will probably be longer, and im saying this for all future chapters because idk how to draw these htings out ECKS DEE XD

PHSSHSPSSHSHHHHPSHPSHH. thats the sound of bath water running L O L. Yellow Diamond was running a nice bath :DD.  
**big sigh from yellow diamond** "Man sure is great to just relax now, nothing to worry about with those crystal gems being captured n stuff" she said to herself.

"pppppPPPPEAAARRR L LLLLLLL" she screamed. Almost immediately her pearl was infront of her, on the bath thing you know, YD is in the bath.  
"yes my diamond?" Pearl said for like the 928342372387482932th time in her entire life, she was gonna snap any minute now.  
Yellow Diamond just stuck out her hand for her pearl to walk onto, she didnt need to tell her to she already knew because she'd done it so many times now hhhh.

Once Yellow Pearl was on YelLow Diamond's hand she put her hand under the really forceful running water and it almost poofed yellow plearl and yellow diemond thought it was funny so it was okay.

"ghbdrspgleprgojfuwdn" Yellow Pearl said under the water, barely even able to move her mouth lmao. "haha ok that's enough" Yellow Diamond giggled like a little girl, taking her pearl away from the faucet thing, giving her an apology kiss on pretty much her entire face. she nearly V O R E D her.

"ok pearl that's all y-- nO wait stay take a bath with me." Yellow Diamond said.

"but bOi i'll drown your bath to me is like the fucking ocean."   
"take a bath with me or die"  
"k"

 

they had a gay ol time in the bath, yellow pearl was on a rubber ducky and it was cute haha, have you ever seen mario sunshine? lol.

yellow pearl was actually so light she could lay down on the little soap bubbles. yellow Diamond liked bubble baths :).

 

But eventually they had to get out and they did, Yellow Diamond finished drying herself off as she walked into her bedroom, picking up her old clothes and she was about to throw them into the laundry but she remembered, the book! she took out the book and tossed her dirty clothes into the hamper. 

She got comfy in her bed, turned on her lamp and opened the book...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are gonna get worse as it goes on so lol yeah.
> 
> memes ahead.


	3. pblptltt >::((

Wtf the words were so tiny like why. Yellow Diamond was fucking DISGUSTED EUGH.

But never fear! she had a fuckin uhhh what's it called um....ray that makes things bigger? big ray. Yellow Diamond whipped out her handy dandy Big Ray and shot the book. now it was big enough for her to read, but ms paint is stupid and now it's all pixelated. what ever its better than nothing. and so she read for the entire night cause like damn the holy bible is a really entertaining book.

\- . .- . - . =. - .- -. .-- . 

It was 9 am when Yellow Pearl wandered into Yellow Diamond's room, wondering where th efuck she was she wanted breakfast dammit.   
When she entered the room she was like "uhmm??///" 

Yellow Diamond's room had papers everywhere, there was a giant 't' on her wall and Yellow Diamond was sculpting a tree or something.  
"WHAT THE FUCK" Yellow Pearl screechd, This caused Yellow Diamond to snap her neck towards the door, cause like she was facing away from it.  
Yellow Diamond looked fucking exhausted and she had bags under her eyes, Yellow Pearl noticed all the 5 hour energies all around Yellow Diamond now, had she been up all night?   
"m'diamond, WHAT IS ALL THIS? IS THAT.. A fucKing tREE?? WHY" Yellow Pearl walked over to the sculpture, there seemed to be an apple on it, she gestured to it,  
"EXPLAIN"  
Yellow Pearl's hand was too close to it for Yellow Diamond's liking though, Yellow Diamond screamed and slapped Yellow PEarl's hand away.

"DO NOT TOUCH THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT YOU THOT." 

"wh-" 

"YOU NEED JESUS" yEllow Dimimaond said, shoving a book into Yellow Pearl's face, "wh-wha'  
Yellow Diamond hissed and ran out of the room on all fours.  
Yellow Pearl just stood there in fear not knowing what the fuck to do.

She ran after her diamond, AFTER TOUCHING THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT LOL, no one can tell PEarl what to do haha.

anyway yeah she ran after her diamond as fast as she could "m'diAAIAAIAImmMoOonNnND"  
She was too late though, as she ran through the halls after Yellow D. she saw random gemstones lying across the floor, some cracked, some fine.  
"oh fuck" when she finally caught up to her diamond, all she saw was her in her arm ship, and the door closing and then it blasted off to somewhere else.

"nOooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" yELLOW PEARL CRIED OUT, FALLING TO HER KNEES.

du duh uhduhh to be continued meme here duhudh <\--- thats the music that plays to it duhduhuh uduhh.


	4. bb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yor mom gaey

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Yellow Diamond walked very fast thruough out the ship, no other gems were on here luckily phew but even if they were she could just shatter them lol.  
she needed to get to blue diamond FAST, she needed to share this new information about "god" with her. She went to the main room with the controls and went into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. and instantly *crash boom boom rehrefs* her arm ship crashed into the side of Blu Diamond's castle into her like uh throne room i think and Blue Diamond didn't even do anything she just sighed, Yellow Diamond didn't have her seatbelt on by the way and went through the window and infront of blue diamond. wera your seatbelts kids.

"BLUE YOU'LL NEVER GUESSWHATIFOUNDAWEIRDBOOKANDITSAIDSHITABOUTJESUSANDGODANDHEAVENANDFORBIDDENFRUITSANDTIDEPODSANDWEGOTTASAVEATHEPRINCESSWAHOO-"

Blue Diamond bashed her head in with a fucking frying pan, why does she have one? because why not bitch.  
"shit fuck up kid say it slowly" Bleu Diamond said calmly.

Yellow Diamond reached into her pocket and-- oh shit she left the book at home. "one second madam" Yellow Diamond said, then extended her arm out. 

 

...  
...

"what the fuck you doin" Blue Diamond asked. "sSHSHHshH GIVE IT a SEcond" Yellow Diamond siad.

*distant crash* *bigger crash* *OH SHIT THATS CLOSE CRASH* and then the book was in her hand like thor and his hammer.

"READ THIS SHIT MOHtAFUCKER" Yellow Diamond screamed, shoving her book into Blue Diamond's face.  
"k."

902093490283490 time sKip 239042=-=--=

"o-oh my god...." Blue Diamond barely said, tears streaming down her face, "it's so...so...beautiful, it all makes sense.."

"I KNOW RIGHT, WE HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE!!1" yELLOW DIAMOND YELLED.

"YES," BLUE DIAMOND ALSO YELLED, AND SUMMONED ALL HER GEMS, SHE HAD ALOT BUT HER THRONE ROOM WAS BIG AND THEY ALL FIT, SHE GOT OUT HER MEGAPHONE NAD SCREAMED INTO IT" JESUS IS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, IMMA GIVE YOU ALL A COPY OF THIS BOOK-" BLUE DIAMOND PUT THE BOOK IN THE AIR FOR ALL TO SEE. "-AND YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES TO READI T AND IF YOU DONT COMPLETE IT, OR DONT ACCEPT JESUS INTO YOUR HEART YUO WILL NOT BE SHATTERED BECAUSE THAT'S A SIN, INSTEAD YOU WILL BE PUT ON ANOTHER PLANET TO LIVE YOUR OWN SAD LIFE, LET'S ALL REPENT AND BE GOOD CHRISTIAN BOIS"   
"WHO'S WITH MEEEEE?!"

bLUE DIamond's courT cheered adn roared "woooo" and "hell yeah" but the one that said hell yeah was vacuumed up and shot into space onto the sad planet because this is a christian server so no swearing. Blue diamond copied the book in 000000.2 seconds and everyone had a book. all began reading and all seemed well.

But in the shadows was a bad non-christian boi who had a ban plan in her mind.... she was going to stop all these christi-- but nope she was vacuumed up and shot to sad planet because they're dum and blue diamond can see in the dark.

 

we'll  
be  
right  
back.


	5. im hungry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shut

-=-w=e-f=-= meanwhile back on earth-0-0-0--0-00-=='

Beep beep bep BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!!!!!1 BEEP 

Then Steven woke up. he was in the hospital! he was having a bad dream where the gems got kidnapped and... oh shit it actually happened. his bad nightmare made heart monitor go beep beep.

then doctor connie's mom walked in (her first and last name is too hard to spell >:( ..)

"Connie's mom...w-where am i?"

"in the hospital obviously???? can you not look around wtf blind ass." 

"oh shit u right" Steben WAS dumb.

 

"oh wait there's supposed to be a meme let me go to google real quick" Doctor C.M (C.m for connie mom :::))))) ...)  
ok im back, that was like no time to you but about 2 minutes for me.

 

C.M :Sir you've been in a coma since 2006

Steven: Fergaliscous

ok the end

 

"W-wait, Thanks for all you've done for me Connie's Mom but i have to go save my friends!"

"ok."

 

-w-e=fw=e==eg at the house -0--09-90-90 fuck im sick and coughing my lungs out. -=0-=045

 

Steven huffed and puffed (and blew his house down xxxdd) (jk) (uh) from all that running, wasn't that hospital in the next town over??  
anyway steven crawled over to (WAIT BY THE WAY im making this up as i go and i just thought of something funny(>) so dont read a little bit of next if you're under the age of been on the internet for more than 3 years.!!!)!!)

he crawled over to the warppad and it went bbbbbbRLOOOM and he was shot into the warp strrreeeaamm. hopefully he doesn't get banned for breaking the rules get it because stream?

and went to THE BARN haah. where his bestest buddies are. he hurried over but then stopped and almost screamed like a little girl because a noise startled him.

twas a giant m O A N and some gargles? damn they must be doing some kinky shit in there. steven peeked inside and facepalmed.

"Lapis we've been over this, stop forcing your inflation fetish onto Peridot ffs." steven shook his head as he walked towards the two GAY LOVERS. "smh" steven said.

Peridot was like a balloon, water going into her mouth which was causing the gargles and lapis was moaning cause she found this shit hot??

"oh ok sorry steven". lapis snapped her fingers and >select >cut the water and peridot was back to normal. but she poof because that was alot and uh yeah.

Lapis picked up Peridot's gem and put it up to her lips.  
"Lapis, no fetishes at all, that mean's no inflation OR vore." Steven did a big S M H and lapis got all defensive like "i was just gonna kiss her gem shh calm down"

"yea we-- OH I ALMOST FORGOT, LAPIS THE CRYSTAL GEMS HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED WE GOTTA SAVE THEM." sTEVEN SUDDENLY REmembered, screaming!

"oh no, that really sucks because i dont give a fuck, go save them yourself." Lapis sat down on a chair and began reading her book. "Lapiss pls" steven was crying and it was gross and Lapis didn't like seeing his ugly face so she gave in like "fine" and SHHHHHHHHHHHWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

water appeared underneath them and shot them into space, but it was really harsh and Lapis lost her grip of PEridot's gem and it went off somewhere into space. 

"noooOOoOooO" Lapis and steven both cried. 

In the distance was a light, p-peridot was reforming! there was a distant "Unf Lapis hard-- wh- why am i in spac-- oH GOD- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" THEN SHE WAS SUCKED INTO A FUCKING BLACK HOLE.

"oh well damn" Steve said, "Anyway lets go save the crystal gummy worms :^)".

 

Then Steeven and LApis were off towards homeworld! Lapis used her wings to get them there of course dont worry.

ILL SEE YOU GUYS IN THE NEXT VIDEO, DON'T FORGET TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON AND SUBSCRIBE TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN BOI TODAY.  
ALSO LINK TO MY FREE GIFT CARD GIVEAWAY IN THE DESCRIPTION!!!?1!?!


	6. happy bitrhday

flappidy flap flap flAp, lapis wuz uh flyin her and steves out to homewurld n shit.  
they played a few games of i spy but there wasnt much to spy so they quit that. lapis was going at like max speed too like holy shit fast as fuck boiii.  
they could already see homeworld like 5 yards away. Lapis tried to step on the breaks but she was a bit too late, she crashed into the side of a building thankfully no one was inside the building because it was lunch break and oh wait gems don't need to eat.  
there WERE gems inside the building....oh but it was nap time not lunch time so they were good :).

"Lapis be careful! these gems could have woken up from the loud crash and i could have gotten seriously hurt broOoo!" Steven panicked.

"Don't worry lil man i got this."

Lapis carried steven out the room and they hurried out of the building, there it was, homeworld, they could see all of that it was so beautiful holy shit bright colors and all that. "We gotta find Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, where do you think they'd be??" Steven asked lapis, looking around. "i dunno man why you askin me."

-0w-e0f-=we0f-=we MEANWHILE-0--3=2-0423

*bright light* o-oh shiTwhere the fuck ami .

it's so dark1!!! i-i can't see! am iBLIN-- oh, haha its because i got my fuckin eye covered up i forgot. now where's my squad fam at??  
oh wait i can't do much, im in a cell. OH, BUT WHAT'S THIS? OwO ARE THOSE....F O O T S T E P S I HEAR??  
it must be my ruby in shining armor coming to save me!! 

...

oh wait nah those footsteps aren't that heavy.

The gem was getting closer and closer, oh shit it sounded like they were right ther-- oh they went past me.. OH SHIT THEY'RE BACK!!  
oh but it's ... ugh.... a homeworld gem, yellow diamond's pearl to be specific...

\----POV change XDDDDDD yellow pUEARL ahaha.. -----

OH FUKC OH FUCK OFH CUJF OH FUCK!!! YELLOW DIAMOND'S GONE SHIT SHE'S GONE CRAZY OH FUCK WHERE ARE THE QUARTZ SOLDIERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!

i was panicking like all fuck, running throughout the hallways, where the fuck could they all be?! this is IMPORTANT. i hurried past a bunch of cells and--  
what was that? i stopped and took a few steps backwards. oh... it's a sapphire, one of the traitors, one of the CRYSTAL GEMS... ah fuck it, it's better than nothing!  
i disabled the barrier separating us and grabbed her arm, bringing her close to me. "Listen, i know you fuckin hate me and i hate you too don't worry your pretty little head, but i have an emergency on my hands and YOU're going to help me, got it?"

no response

"good" I dragged her along with me and picked up my fast pace of running again, "Find the quartz soldiers for me, i KNOW you can." I growled at her, 

a few seconds pass and she speaks, "Take a left" i take a left, "right" i take a right and so on, and eventually we make it to a.. cell? why a fucking cell-- ohhh... another one.

i turn back to her "why the FUCK are we at this runts cell?" There was an amethyst inside the little cell, sitting CRISS CROSS APPLE SAUCE XD with her head hanging down. "You SAID for me to take you to the quartz soldier(s), this is a quartz soldier.." The little fucking prissy pants sapphire responded. fucking hell....  
"fine," i said, disabling the shield for the cell, i grabbed the amethyst with my other hand and dragged them both off somewhere else. ",take me to the others"

 

 

boboblboblogodolsojsojso sorry for bad updates i'll make another one in a couple days ;;;;;ooooooooo ?????? wewelfewkfwe


	7. Bottom text

'bLegGHHg where the heck would she have gone uguhghHGH' Yellow Pearl slammed her head into the controls of the ship she was now on, a few hours ago she had gathered all the crystal gems and brought them onto the ship and ever since she'd been thinking of where her diamond could have gone, like uHUSDhuiwsahdfuc.  
Then it hit her! She's a Pearl, she can do SOME fancy technology shit, maAaaAn.

Yelloe Pearl went into FULL ON HACKER MODE, hands gliding over the controls, in only a (woah holy shit my ears just like cleared up or something it shifted wtf lol) matter of seconds she was in the zone, nothing could stop her now. She hacked into her diamond's ship and found the location of it through google maps, that was fast lol. The ship blasted off towards the location Yellow Pearl put in and she stood up from her chair, stretching a little bit. She walked over to the room where she kept the traitors and entered. "Hey guys wus poppin'?" Yellow Pearl greeted the group, "we're good, we just started a new game of UNO though, you can join us if you want." Amethyst told her, "Yeah sure why not." Yellow Pearl sat down in their little circle and grabbed a few cards to start off with.

During the time they spent together they got to know eachother, they weren't all exactly friends yet but they weren't trying to attack eachother so that's good i guess.

 

1234567890-=With steven and lapis=-0987654321

 

Lapis was carrying Steven now, he had fallen and couldn't get up ( xd ) earlier and was now passed out, he was covered in some strawberry jam or something but he'll be fine. No luck with their search for the crystal gems, Lapis was getting a bit tired though so she sat down and laid Steven across her lap. 

Lapis sat there for about a half an hour before she really started to think... She was on homeworld now, she could just leave right this second and go back to her old life working for the diamonds, it wouldn't be that hard.. it would be so easy to just lay Steven to the side and walk off. Lapis sighed, stroking the side of Steven's face with her hand, now that she thought about it, maybe she couldn't... last time she attempted that things didn't exactly turn out so well. Lapis softened her face, even if she could, she didn't think she would be able to do that to Steven, to just leave him. 

Lapis closed her eyes and started to drift off, the thought of her old life swimming around in her mind, she was already nearly asleep and didn't even hear the loud WHHHRHRRH go zoom above her head and off into the distance.

 

=-0-=239 another switch ;O to the diAMonds hee hee tee hee >:3 rawr xd 2389r423908

 

"Amen." Yellow Diamond said, finishing her entire thingy ma bob speech in her newly built church, thousands of gems were beginning to stand up and exiting the building to live their good christian lives. Yellow Diamond also exited the church with Blue Diamond following her, things have been surprisingly well on homeworld, not many gems have gone against Yellow's new found religion and she really appreciated that. The Laws have changed alot aswell, shattering was a crime now! how crazy is that? Yellow Diamond walked over to a bench and sat on it, Blue Diamond taking a seat next to her. Blue Diamond spoke up, "Yellow, It's good that our subjects have taken the new religion well but....what about White?" Yellow Diamond suddenly for some reason had a cup of black coffee she was drinking and she spat it out, Oh fuck she forgot all about White Diamond, Shiiiiieeeet.

She jumped up and started booking it to Blue's arm ship, Blue already knew what was going on and pretty much became sonic, they both fuckin zoomed over to that ship like there was no tomorrow boi, they needed to tell White about Jesus themselves before anyone else told her, or else they gon' be in some deeeep shit man.

Yellow rushed onto that fucking ship and started smashing her fists onto random buttons until they were speeding towards wherever the hell White was, both her and Blue were having panic attacks, shit shit shihertihsiheihfefhiweg

 

aioghioaehrgohierg.

ok bye see you next time.


	8. oh fuckc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time sure does fly when you're not updating fics

"UNO BITCH" Sapphire yelled and slammed down her last card. "BOW BEFORE YOUR FUCKING MASTER AHAHASHAHS" Sapphire laughed alot haha.

"no fucking fair you have future vision" Amethyst said angrily, throwing her cards down and crossing her arms.

"shut up pussy boi this is a game of luck" Sapphire said, get rekt amethyst xd.

Yellow Pearl just rolled her i's and sighed, she stood up and stretched a little before goin back to the pilot area room thing. They were zooming across homeworld and pretty close to where the ship said YD's arm ship was, just like 30 minutes and they'd be there. She yawned and leaned back in her seat a little and decided to take a little nap before they arrived Uwu, so she did.

BUT THAT WASN'T A GOOD FUCKING IDEA AT ALL BECAUSE WHEN SHE WOKE UP ALL SHE HEARD WERE SCREAMS AND SHE GOT SHOT OUTTA THE FUCKING WINDOW LIKE AAAAAAAAA, WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS KIDS. FUCKIN' YEET.

she slammed face first into the side of yellow diamond's arm ship and fell to the floor. ripperoni yellow pearli. 

she groaned and stood up, the other gems were making their way off the ship, stumbling all over the place. the ship they were on was now broke af and they couldn't use that anymore.

fuck. the crystal gems made their way over to yellow pearl and they all entered the now even more damaged YD arm ship, took them a while but they came to realize there was no YD on that ship anymore. fuckin' ghost town.

Yellow pearl groaned out of annoyance and kicked a wall out of frustration, only to hurt her wittle foot :c. ouchie.

She hissed and held her foot before stomping off to nowhere, The other CG's following her shortly after.  
'time to just fucking look all over homeworld for her i guess' they all thought.

 

-=-=0-0-0-=0-0-204-23 timeskip to other people ;;;000000000002903490-0---

Lapis awoke, startled from a giant boom boom crash farrrrrrrrrr off in the distance. the only reason she heard it probably was because she had SUPER SONIC HEARING WAOOAOAOAOS for the sake of this story for this exact moment that she wont have later wOA!!!!! :ooo. 

she jumped and steven rolled off of her, hitting his head and waking him up. "HU- WHAT" Steven was tired and passed out like right after just waking up.

"oopsie whoopsie" Lapis said, picking up steven and flying up,she could see dust clouds off in the distance and decided "hey why not" and started flying over to it.

after a little while she arrived and noticed omg it was blue diamon castle wao. There was a giant hole in the wall and she flew into it and saw Yellow Diamond's arm ship but kinda broke and a sorta smaller ship all destroyed next to it.

hmmm, she layed steven down and searched both ships but no one was in them >m<. 

she sighed and poked stebens face, waking him up instantly, he shot up with a "WALUIGI NO" before looking around and calming down when he saw lappy.

steven was abopt to question the ships when lapis said "dont ask i dunno, but there's no one in them" Steven said "ok then" and just kinda sat there.   
they were bored and decided to just play rock paper scissors for a while.

let's check in on blue and yellow diamond shall we?

\------------  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
\---------------  
yeah still freaking out, ok bye see you in 7283472 years.


	9. im not dead yet

hhmmmmmmmmmmmmm yellow dimondn was shocked, right infront of her was where white diamond was located but...she didn't expect it to be here..  
why? why here of all places? blue diamond looked like she was about to cry.. 

it's the planet the non-christian gems get transported to because they're bad :( why was white here? h...had she found out about the religion? they were so fucking dead man lmao.

Yellow diamond used blue's ship to safely get closer to the planet and land. everything looked so...archaic.

stick huts, camp fires, everyone was wearing animal skin for clothes??

Yellow and blue diamond stepped off the ship cautiously and nervously. Gems looked at them, backing away into their poorly made huts.

Yellow felt a tap on her shoulder from Blue diamond and heard her say "look", her eyes went to a giant cabin made out of logs and leaves. i-it cant be.  
yellow diamond thought to herself, she didn't want to check inside the building but had to when she saw blue already heading towards it. she shakily followed.

they made it to the door and gently pushed it open, the tiny carnelians guarding the door had backed off, intimidated by the diamonds. which made it easier for them to just enter.

"h-hello?" blue called out into the dark cabin.

"ah, blue...yellow....i've been expecting you, come in, sisters"  
they entered the room and sat down in two chairs that WHITE DIAMOND had placed for them.  
"what brings you to MY planet, you filthy christians"  
Yellow nearly stood up at that, but blue put a hand on her thigh ( ;00 ), keeping her down.

Blue cleared her throat and spoke "Well, White, you see..we... came to apologize, y-y'know, for not coming to you about this sooner"  
Yellow looked at her like 'wtf' and Blue just kinda shrugged at her.

"apologize?" White diamond laughed, "i don't want your apologies"

"then what DO you want?" Yellow glared at her  
"your help"   
Yellow and blue stared at eachother and then back to white, "help? from US?"

"yes, your help." White said, as she opened a drawer from her desk and pulled out a folder. "i read your little bibble-" "bible" Yellow cut in, White glared at her before continuing. "-and came across a different side of the story. one of power" White said, pushing the folder over to yellow and blue.

Blue hesitantly took the folder and looked up at white "go on" she said. Blue opened the folder and nearly dropped it, tears spilling out of her eyes instantly.

Yellow diamond snatched the folder from her and opened it to see for herself, and she ACTUALLY dropped it. inside were the shards of pink diamond.

"b-b-but how?!" Yellow screamed. white smiled, amused "don't act so innocent yellow, we all know what you did"   
"d-did what?" Blue sniffled.  
Blue's question went unanswered as white spoke again. "you see, on the different side of the bible, i read about dark power and energy, i even did some research. and i've found a way to bring pink back, however i am not strong enough for this yet, even with the help of my followers."

White pointed to blue and yellow "you, are either going to help me resurrect pink, or give me your power, what'll it be? sisters." White smiled down at them.

 

\-------------------

 

"Wow lapis! you're good at rock, paper, scissors! how did you get so good??" Steven questioned lapis, losing at the game for the 100th time. "i've had some good practice at scissoring with peridot" "wait what--"  
before steven could be grossed out, they heard a voice from across the throne room of Blue's castle.

"the fuck happened here??"

They both looked over to see non other than Blue Diamonds personal pearl, Blue pearl.

Lapis grabbed stevens hand and quickly hid them both behind a pillar, they both peeked out from behind it and watched Blue pearl closely.

Blue pearl sighed, "i leave for one second and everything goes to fuck, of course" She squatted down and picked up a piece of rubble, inspecting it.

Lapis was about to rush away from the area with steven until steven fucked up. this motherfucker had the NERVE to sneeze.

"achoo" went the bitchass steven

Blue pearls head snapped towards their general direction, standing up and summoning her weapon "who's there?"


	10. i just yawned

"LMAO THE FUCK??" Lapis started snorting and laughing, any chance they had of sneaking off after steven's complete fuck up was ruined. Lapis wiped the tears from her eyes and continued giggling, stepping out from behind the pillar.  
"your weapon's a fucking fleshlight?? seriously what??" Lapis wheezed.

Blue pearl looked down at what she was holding and panicked, putting it back in her gem as fast as she could.  
"fuck fuck fuckfuck wrong one WROng one" she said to herself, now pulling a bird out of her gem? uhh.  
blue pearl was panicking hard now, pulling several birds and rabbits out of her gem  
"damn bitch you kinky what kinda shit you into?" Lapis said, putting a hand on her hip. waiting for blue pearl to find her weapon  
"l-lapis shouldn't we use this time to fly off??" Steven said from behind the pillar, still cowering like a lil' BIATCH.  
"no?? are you dumb?? this is entertaining" Lapis said, gesturing her hand to blue pearl who was now pulling multiple scarfs tied together out of her gem.

Blue pearl finished pulling the scarfs out of her gem and pointed to Lapis and maybe steven too idk.   
"you fool! you could have been fleeing! but you STAYED! and for that you shall p E R ISh" Blue pearl said, laughing a bit.

*you hear quiet "hewwo" in the distance*

"wut" Lapis said, confused. "you couldn't even find your weapon, how are you gonna take ME down?" Lapis crossed her arms.

"i'll show you!" Blue pearl flung the scarfs at her, and it clung to her body like one of those bracelet things you slap onto your wrist. it tied Lapis up before she could even blink.

"Lapis!" steven cried out, reaching his arm out to her and slightly coming out from behind the pillar, but he stayed.

Lapis moaned. "B-Be gentle."

"what, no ew fuckin' weirdo" Blue pearl said, slightly disgusted...S L I G H T L Y.

Blue Pearl cleared her throat, "ATTACK, MY MINIONS" blue pearl yelled at the rabbits and birds she'd pulled out of her gem just a few minutes prior. 

Didn't work tho cause like half of them were already dead and half of the other half had run off. the remaining ones just kinda sat there being stupid animals  
"oh well fuck" Blue pearl said, defeated....BUT THEN she got an idea. "Well if i can't just poof you, i'll keep you as my prisoner!"

At the word "prisoner", Lapis started having flashbacks, so while she was doing that, Blue Pearl picked her up and started running off with her.

"LAAAAAAAAAPIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" Steven feel to his knees and screamed to the sky. bad idea, one of the birds shit in his mouth.

\---------------------------------------------------  
meanwhile, with Yellow Pearl and the crystal germs.

Pearl groaned, tiredly jumping across a river, with amethyst asleep on her back, 'fucking stupid piggyback ride this is bullshit my legs hurt why is she so fat' Pearl thought to herself. just behind her, sapphire easily floated across the river like it was nothing. 'lucky ass'.  
"Come on losers, we have to keep moving, we NEED to find Yellow Diamond" Yellow pearl told them, leading the line.  
"Come ON Yellow, can't we take a small break? we've been walking around aimlessly in this jungle for HOURS" Pearl bitched and moaned, stopping in her tracks.

Yellow Pearl paused for a moment to think, "ugh, fine. We'll take a small break, just so we can continue later without the complaining"

"yessss" Pearl sighed out, dropping amethyst to the ground, who didn't even wake up.

All of a sudden it started raining, yellow pearl screeched out "AH FUCK IT BURNS WHAT IS THIS DEVIL LIQUID", covering her head with her arms.

"uh, that's rain??? you mean to tell me you've never seen rain before?" Pearl looked at her.  
"This BULLSHIT doesn't happen in the parts of homeworld i stay in!" Yellow Pearl hissed.

"GET IT AW A Y" She screamed. 

"fine shut up stop your hollering, i'll make us a shelter" Pearl said, putting a hand to her chest.

Pearl summoned her spear, and in one quick motion, chopped a giant tree in half like it was paper.   
Yellow pearl yelped and stepped away, as to not get crushed by the massive log.

the tree fell over and pearl started chopping it like a fucking carrot or some shit.

 

Soon they had a little hut, pearl wiped the sweat from her forehead around her gem and smiled proudly at her work.   
"go on, get in" Pearl said to the others as she dragged amethyst inside.   
Yellow pearl stepped inside fast to get away from the rain, now turning into a storm with lightning approaching fast. Sapphire nodded to pearl on her way in as thanks and sat down in one of the "corners" (it's round).

Thunder shook the ground and both pearls shivered from the cold, nearly freezing.  
Pearl tried rubbing her arms for warmth and it worked a bit, but she looked over at yellow pearl and saw she was just suffering through it.  
that's right, she's never had to deal with the cold, always living in luxury, she probably doesn't know how to warm herself up.

Pearl scooted close to her and wrapped her arms around her, sharing her body heat with her. Yellow Pearl hissed and was about to push Pearl off of her, but eventually melted (wow is pearl really that hot) into the embrace.

Soon enough everyone had drifted off into S L U M B e r (that word is weird) as they waited for the storm to pass. zzz.


End file.
